I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
