he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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