I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
