yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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