Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this boner is exhausting
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
