He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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