Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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