STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
