I CAN MOONWALK!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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