Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
