Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
