he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love you. Go after that dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
