Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
