none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
