woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
