A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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