we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
