That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
