This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
