If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
