Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
