My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
