I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
