so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
