My friends, they love my intelligence
4 words: hood of his car
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
