Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it glows. i had to have it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
