You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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