I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
