Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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