fuck your aforementioned shoe
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
