last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
