I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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