please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Even my vagina gasped.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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