i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
