i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Come see our sink grown plant.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
