looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
