if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
