Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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