Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
