and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
