I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
