Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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