do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
