Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
