i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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