That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
