is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
