you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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