Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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