I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Less talking, more tequila
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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