He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
