I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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