u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
