Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
