we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
