gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
