you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
