i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
