The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
