pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
