between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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