**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
