no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
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i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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