she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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