Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
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I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
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Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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