Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
