she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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