are you still at the devil's house?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
