i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
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So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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